Weekly report: Lack of work still a problem, otherwise doing OK.

I’ve been doing okay with exercise: I think 5 of 7 days this week. Walks every day (yay!).

Meditation every day -not as skilled as I’d like to be, but it’s early yet.

Does journaling every day about meditation count? Some days I didn’t write anything besides my meditation observations. Some days my other writing was about external stuff instead of internal. I’ll go with yes, because it gives me another accomplishment point, and that’s more positive.

Not sure how I did on reading/listening to teachers, perhaps also 5 of 7.

Jobs applied for: 5.

Other goals:

Did a few typing exercises while on hold for other things. plan for that is to work through all the exercises on the site, then start over from the beginning.  Backstory is the one job interview I’ve had lately that I think I might have had a chance at if my typing skills were better. They wanted at least 50 wpm; I am, sadly, still about 23 wpm (and I look at my hands). But this is something I can work on, so I am. I am already looking at my hands much less, and I am mostly able to find the letter I am looking for, even if my speed still sucks.

Other work skills I don’t have yet, but appear in jobs I am applying to anyway; Quickbooks, schedule management, and A/R A/P. Not at all sure how to go about the second or the third, the first I can probably get a community college class in. Need to look that up and sign up for it. Also ought to dig up my old Monster account and refresh my resume there.

Did a day of housework/helping family yesterday, so that slot is filled for a while.

Trees project: no progress this week, but today I can work on that.

Taxes, state and Federal: Filed. Being below the poverty line makes this less impressive than it might otherwise be.

CC and other bills: paid, Though I had to move money into checking again to actually pay off CC’s. Money was a big anxiety factor this week, caused several crying events. Nothing I can really do about it other than cut expenses, which I am doing my best at. Another emotional factor to practice ignoring.

DBT group: Said goodbye this week, it was squishier than I thought it would be. Everyone had something nice to say about me, mostly something like my perspective/insights have helped them a lot with something. That’s $200 a month I won’t be spending anymore. I feel like I ought to have something more to say about this but I don’t at the moment. Maybe later in journal?

Emotional homework this week: look in the mirror, make eye contact, and sincerely say “I like myself.” Twice a day. yesterday I only did it once, and said it with a question mark rather than a period. I’ll have to work on the sincerity bit also. This is supposed to help with my self esteem, and is based in the theory that in the past I did the best I could, given the mental/emotional/social tools at hand. I’m still a little skeptical about this theory, but it seems like a decent one to adopt if I want to get on with my life more than sit around beating myself up for decisions that have come and gone, or time that has already been “wasted.”

 

All in all, I think I did a good job this week with effecting the things I can. I’m writing that to sound positive, even though I don’t really feel it. I still have a lot of that nagging “you could have done better, you should have tried harder, you should be making more progress” feeling. But I’m told (and I suspect it’s true) that that feeling doesn’t ever go away, so I have decided to practice ignoring it. New emotional goal, I guess -become comfortable with incremental progress at a realistic pace.  

How did your week go? Have you made progress on your goals? If you don’t have goals, perhaps your goal for the upcoming week can be to make some up. I’m working on:

Physical: Better flexibility, balance and core strength. Less flappy arms. Lose 10-15 pounds to get back into a better weight for my height. Eat fewer sweets, less junk food -> practice healthier self-stimulation.

Financial: Get a job, preferably full time, paying at least $10 an hour. Gain skills that will help me get a job. Keep up with paying bills on time. Cut unnecessary expenses.

Mental/Emotional: Increase self esteem. Gain skills for emotional resilience and distress tolerance. Practice meditation. Listen to dharma talks. Read about meditation and related skills, self help books. Journal about emotions and internal processes every day.