Reporting back from the trenches

In my quest to find a new therapist I think I have two fails. I discussed both meetings with the only person who knows much about the inside of my head for the last few years, who is also not afraid to call me on crap when she hears it coming out of my mouth. She really helps me clarify sometimes, when I am trying to convince myself to settle. I am grateful to her, and don’t say that often enough.

Honestly, I was not very impressed with either of the two I spoke with last week. they both seemed very nice, but one really felt like a head-nodder (if I wanted an Eliza program, I’d download the app) the other I don’t think was even my age, and seemed not  certain at all of what to do with me. I know it’s not fair to judge based on the first meeting only, since they have had no chance to get to know me, my special features and situation, but I’m just not feeling it with either of them. I have a third person lined up for next week, I hope she turns out well, Otherwise I am seriously considering Skype therapy with therapists not in my area (one in CA one in OH, so far) fun with time zone differences and loss of body language, but much more experience in the specialty I am looking for. If I am going to pay $$$/an hour I really want to get my money’s worth.

*shakes head* it’s so annoying trying to quantify things that only come by ‘feel.’ I keep finding myself trying to do that, to clarify what would be better, I only know it’s not this. I saw a book once “I could do anything if only I knew what it was” I feel a lot like that recently. Once I commit, really decide on a goal that I really honestly want, I can get it. I probably won’t be able to tell you how from either end, but I’ll get there.  I just have to Decide.

and I really haven’t.

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One thought on “Reporting back from the trenches

  1. I don’t cope well with limitless quantities of unstructured time. What’s helped me is committing myself to small scale voluntary activities where I am not asked “do you want to do this? sign up now” but instead I get an email saying “we are meeting on this date and expect to see you there”

    I often don’t feel like it, but usually I go because I think that they need me there. I come home feeling much better for the human interaction and I find that this helps me achieve progress towards understanding my own goals.

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