Bleh.

I had a bunch of articulate ideas for posting, but that’s not what I’m writing today.

So I’m not sure if I’ve just hared off on an other endless research binge looking at my new career choice. I’m still stalling on getting a ‘in the meantime’ job. I went to the library and got books, and have spent several days looking up related things on the internet. Is it all justified time expenditure? I don’t know.

When am I ‘better’ enough to no longer justify slacking around? What is the point where I’m just being a self-indulgent lazy ass, as opposed to taking care of myself?

I’m still doing better than I was doing at not being gratuitously nasty to myself for not gettingeverythingdoneallatonce, but I still have this ‘is it enough’ anxiety? How do I know?

Not by judging by the expectations of anyone else, I know this is Something I have to Figure Out for Myself.  That only makes it something I am likely to angst about for a while (the rest of my life).

Argh. It’s like writer’s block, but for my life.

The MBTI/career book I’m reading advises me to ruminate less and take action more. I suck at timetables and accountability. Still having what they call “motivational paralysis,” I guess. Am I making excuses?

The career I’m researching for myself a good idea, I just have to make the first step, the 5 minutes of really getting started.

Haven’t done it yet.

Bleh.

This is dumb, I still think that making the decision is magic, and then things just fall into place afterward.  Childish, really. I’m past the point where formulas are the answer.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Bleh.

  1. Dorothy says:

    Same here for me. I can do things but not for myself. I’m 47 and still if someone asked me what do I want to do for my life I have no idea. I can’t get from point A to B and as far as growing up…what the Hell is that. I am still 15 in my mind.
    Perhaps leave words like ‘justified’ as in time expenditure out of the picture and try anything that appeals to you . That’s what I’ve decided to do. I take online courses whether they will pay off or not because they bring me added knowledge but it takes me a long time to get my act going.
    Dot

  2. tinyfrogs says:

    Dot: Thank you for commenting.
    I am hoping the direction I’ve been inspired with is one I can at least make a living at, though as a career choice it seems to be heading in the direction of more freelance work than anything involving a steady paycheck. Direction of the market I guess.
    I know what you mean about still being 15 in the mind. if I can just get over the disapproval of people who are not me I think I will do better. With self-approval anyway.
    I love to learn also, but I need to be making a living.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s